The United States government has announced that the Vatican is developing nuclear technology in prelude to building a nuclear bomb. The Vatican has denied the claim. U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that the information was accurate, and although it wasn’t a slam dunk, it was probably a grand slam, and at the very least it was a two point conversion. Critics of the U.S. government criticized that statement.
The Vatican is a reference to the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church, who do their leading from a country called Vatican City. Vatican City is geographically located in the city of Rome, Italy, but existentially it is located somewhere between God and everyone else.
The Vatican said that they wanted peace and love spread among all of the people of the earth, and that they had no motivation to build a nuclear bomb. The U.S. government said that the Vatican did have motivation. They were motivated by the spread of Islam, and the rise of secularism in Europe. The U.S. government insisted that many of the gains in Catholic Church membership in the past had been made through conversion by the sword at first, followed by a high birthrate. The Vatican insisted that that was all in the past, and that they could never get away with that in this day and age. Not that they would try, they said, because they wouldn’t dream of it, at least not during their waking hours, but at night you never can tell what you’re going to dream so they couldn’t promise about that.
The Vatican also said that even if they were developing a nuclear bomb, hypothetically, they would have nowhere to test it. Their country was less than half of a square kilometer in area. One accident would eliminate the whole country. The U.S. government said that the Vatican had churches and property all over the world, and that they were working in multiple locations.
The Vatican said let’s see your proof. The U.S. government said that we can’t show you that, it’s classified. The Vatican said yeah, right.
The mayor of Rome said, “Whoa, you guys need to calm down. We’ve got a lot of innocent people down here.” The U.S. government said that according to the Vatican none of them were innocent, because they were all born with original sin. The Vatican said I know you are but what am I?
U.S. President Barack Obama blamed it all on former President George W. Bush. He claimed that the dispute was personally Bush’s fault, as were the current economic crisis, the rise of political polarization in Washington, the decline of Western civilization in general, and original sin. Former President George W. Bush said that he had no commentation regarding this issue.