Researchers at the University of Kentucky Fried Chicken, using the latest scientific technology and the most advanced genetic comparison techniques, have come to the conclusion that dinosaur meat probably tasted very much like chicken. However, these results have not been universally accepted within the scientific community.
Dr. Harlan Sanders III of UKFC announced the discovery at a press conference two days ago. “Using MRI scanning and electromicroscopic analysis of dinosaur bones, and the detailed genetic analysis of DNA extracted from fossilized mosquitoes trapped in amber, we have come to the unexpected conclusion that dinosaur meat must have tasted a lot like chicken. We are currently attempting to genetically recreate tissue from three species of dinosaurs: tyrannosaurus rex, iguanodon, and dimetrodon. We hope to successfully achieve this goal within the next three years. Once we’ve managed to do that, we will combine them with a mix of eleven special herbs and spices, cook them under pressure, and have a panel of culinary experts taste the results.”
Dr. Lord Sir Phillip Count Abernathercromby, of Burger King’s College of London, disputed the results. “First of all, everyone knows that dimetrodon was not even a dinosaur. Dimetrodon was in fact closely related to the ancestors of mammals, and our research has indicated that its meat tasted much more like beef. Their not knowing that dimetrodon was not a dinosaur causes me to doubt that they even know what they’re doing, and the notion that dimetrodon tasted like chicken is patently absurd. Secondly, the use of eleven special herbs and spices will contaminate the taste test. In order to test whether the muscle tissue of certain dinosaurs tasted like chicken, it must be cooked without any seasonings which might prejudice the result. Furthermore, if tyrannosaurus and iguanodon meat does end up tasting like chicken, it will only prove that tyrannosaurus and iguanodon tasted like chicken. It has no bearing whatsoever on diplodocus, triceratops, or any other dinosaur. Turkey is closely related to chicken, but who would say that turkey tasted like chicken? Unless you pressure cooked it with eleven special herbs and spices, under which conditions a sponge would probably taste like a similarly prepared chicken.”
When asked about the criticism by Dr. Abernathercromby, Dr. Sanders replied, “If dimetrodons were not dinosaurs, they wouldn’t be included in those sets of little plastic dinosaurs. Any child knows that. I think there is only one civilized way to resolve public disputes such as this, and that is with a duel. I hereby challenge Dr. Abernathercromby to a duel with pistols, to take place at a time and place of Dr. Abernathercromby’s choosing.”
Dr. Abernathercromby accepted Dr. Sanders’ challenge, but said that as the choice of weapons belonged to the one being challenged, he chose cricket bats.
Dr. Sanders regretted that he had to withdraw his challenge, as he had not first checked with his wife, who absolutely forbade it. She also insisted that he apologize to Dr. Abernathercromby, but Dr. Sanders steadfastly refused to comply.